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Researchers Report Regional Alzheimer’s Anomoly

Rev. Steve Schlissel - November 17, 2017

A research team from the Hoomey campus of the University of Alabama published a paper yesterday in the Journal of Mnemonic Insights (Winter 2017) suggesting that a factor or factors recently or currently operative in a region stretching all the way from Huntsville to Mobile, has either halted–or in several cases even reversed–some of Alzheimer’s Disease’s more dreaded consequences. The paper says, “The phenomenon occurring right now in Alabama is certain; the cause or causes, somewhat less so. But only somewhat.”

More Hope Now than at the Start
Lead researcher Dr. Howard Hughno (HUE no), who coauthored the article, said in a phone interview, “Though we had tested a multitude of variables, the one with the strongest direct ties to safeguarded or improved memory is the same one recently occurring with the greatest frequency. That is more than we initially hoped to identify. And we would be remiss if we failed to report our findings, regardless of the political atmosphere. The cause seems indeed to be the candidacy of Justice Roy Moore for the US Senate.”

The U of A’s Hoomey campus is 33 miles northeast of Andalusia in the southwest area, above the Florida panhandle. Until it was made the recipient of a $2.7 million-dollar research grant by the Republican 4C Braintrust, cutting edge scientific research was not done at Hoomey. But the 4C Trust–whose original activity was limited to dispensing college scholarships to worthy students from the Choctaw, Cherokee, Chickasaw and Creek peoples–changed tactics after applications for scholarships dwindled, until, in 2016, there were none. That led to the research grant which coincidentally was named in honor of the Honorable Roy Moore.
Dr. Hughno was quick to emphasize, “No one should imagine there is any connection between the name of the research grant and our discovery. And we tested using other candidates as variables. Besides that, the most significant evidence has already been in the newspapers everywhere. Every day, one, two or more people–in their 60s! –come forward to report recovery of their memories–and these memories are explicitly connected with Judge Moore. One might even say our research corroborated what we all should have already known.”

The doctor added, “Unfortunately, this remarkable benefit seems not yet to have redounded to his honor. We are seeking an additional $7 million grant to study how a memory stimulant could be unidirectional–in this case, outward–while in effect, failing to stimulate the stimulator. We hypothesize that it’s because he’s so much older. That’s true, isn’t it? I can’t recall,” queried Dr. How Hughno of Hoomey?