The News

Let Accoster’s Redeemer Pay the Cost! Here’s How.

Rev. Steve Schlissel - November 17, 2018

So a federal clown judge ruled that the White House must reinstate Jim the Accoster (the def is perfect–look it up!) of CNN to his former status as self-obsessed, self-aggrandizing moron with a press pass, a worm of a man who hasn’t a clue that reporting is actually a different activity from just being rude, obnoxious, vacuous and clueless. The judge opined that good order in a presidential press conference is not a good enough reason to deny the disrupter-punk ongoing, regular opportunities to display his hatred for the president and for any requisite public decorum.

There is actually a great deal of anti-Christianity and anti-U.S. Constitution in Judge Timmy’s ruling, but I’ll address that perhaps later on. What I want to offer my president right now is this strongly suggested course of action: It is obvious that the judge hasn’t even a vague sense of what separation of powers means, not to mention the First Amendment. And, like other courts before him—I’m thinking of ones that found a Constitutional right to lie but remained quite sure it could not be worn inside their courtroom—this judge is oh-so-patient when the provocateur sets about his evil deeds someplace other than his domain. So, I beseech President Trump to have someone in his administration check into the following, and then keep close tabs on this judge in action. Find out if he has ever held anyone appearing before him in his courtroom in contempt. Has he ever penalized the contemptuous ones?

I propose, Mr. President, that you swiftly issue unambiguous presidential pardons to any and all violators of decorum which took place in the judge’s federal domain. Unlike the judge’s intrusion into matters which are none of his business, you, in extending generous and irreversible pardons to all the oafs and boors this poor judge has found or will find insufferable–your action relieving them of this judge’s hypocritically imposed, and therefore truly onerous burden, is explicitly and unambiguously warranted by our Constitution. Pardon one and all, then Invite the objects of this judge’s ire to dinner at the White House. And let word be disseminated profusely that, going forward, anyone with business before that judge who wishes to treat that judge contemptuously—only, of course, while he is at his official duties—may rely on you prospectively for a certain, full and perfect pardon. After all, we must fight the unjust notion that grown-ups ought to be, well, grown-up.

Sock it to him, Mr. President.