Toothpaste (TV) Catechism

Rev. Steve Schlissel - April 14, 2018

It started with Crest–the family choice. It was seriously backed-up-mouth-magic, according to the ads. I write out the following blurb from memory:

“Crest has been shown to be an effective decay-preventive dentifrice that can be of significant value when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.” –as per some American Dental Association “Council” (I think on “Dental Therapeutics,” concocted, no doubt, as a means of collecting aid and support, ahem).

Nobody on the tv-viewing end had any clue of just what that gobbledygook asserted, but it sounded impressively scientific. And it must have elevated Crest sales as it wasn’t too long before lawyers secured the same endorsement for Colgate, then (I think) for any paste with fluoride and no sugar (that could pay the ADA). But accolades to Crest for colluding first.

After adulthood led to widening free choice, I went down a list of Colgate flavors, settling on a blue gel for many years. Then my teeth made a choice–in cooperation with my palate–and embraced the (hard to find) Arm & Hammer Sensitive. Having recently run out, a foraging exercise in a closet came up with a standard Colgate tube. The funny thing was my immediate impression upon first use: “Self,” I say to myself, “that tastes just like toothpaste.”

It isn’t easy sorting out influences.

Questions or comments?
Send them to